As You Sleep
by silentlullabye
Summary: It is late in the early morning. Ianto lies next to his Captain and remembers the past, saying things he could only say as Jack sleeps.


As You Sleep

A Torchwood Fanfic

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The clock reads 3:02 a.m. Not even the dogs of Cardiff should be awake at this hour. Yet Ianto Jones found himself gazing at the warm body lying next to him. He had himself propped up on one elbow, dark eyes still bright in the afterglow of what had transpired an hour before.

It was strange really, in his opinion, how Jack only slept after being with Ianto. The man in question had one arm wrapped around Ianto's waist, and his chest rose and fell with each breath.

With his eyes, Ianto traced the curve of Jack's jaw, down past his adorable abs and beyond. He marveled in the brilliance that was Captain Jack. He never could decide why he had originally been attracted to him. Or when it had begun.

But wait- yes he could. It had been a long time ago, the first time he had ever laid eyes on Captain Jack Harkness, at the park in the middle of the night.

It had not been an easy beginning to the relationship of today. Jack had not been in the mood to thank Ianto from saving Jack's life from the weevil, and he had not been in the mood to reply when Ianto had remarked that he liked Jack's coat. And he had, by the way. It was a fantastic coat.

The morning after, when Ianto had turned up outside the tourist shop, Jack had been in a hurry. But Ianto was pleased to note that Jack had taken the time to run a background check on him. It had been a fruitless attempt at job hunting on Ianto's part, and he had realized this when he had finally returned home, coffee cup still in hand.

Ianto had almost given up his efforts, until he noticed the pterodactyl in a warehouse. To be honest, he took a liking to the creature, which he named Myfanwy.

That evening, the odd relationship of Jack and Ianto had come into new territory. Ianto had realized this as he lay atop Jack's panting figure after finally managing to take Myfanwy down. Looking back, Ianto supposed he should thank Myfanwy for bringing Jack and him together

That first day on the job was tense but interesting. Ianto often felt Jack's eyes upon him. He was merely a butler to the Torchwood crew, but he didn't mind. They had forced him to go for a drink with them after work, as a sort of welcoming party to a very secret club.

And Ianto had studied Jack with interest the whole evening, trying to discern what it was about him that he found so charming, so irresistible. For Jack was irresistible. After several hours of working beneath him, he had seen Jack Harkness get exactly what he wanted every time. He wasn't sure what drew him to this man who could be so intolerable and yet so appealing.

Maybe it was the nonchalant way Jack spoke of the mysteries of Torchwood. Or the way he slumped just slightly when he sat, so that he looked comfortable, yet not lazy. It could have been the way Ianto's name rolled off his lips or the way he gazed deep into his eyes when he spoke to him, as if he was the only person in the world worthy of his attention.

Ianto felt that Jack could see into his very soul. Indeed the abyss-like pools of his eyes could draw you in, and cradle you so that you never wanted to leave.

Even when Jack had inquired about his home life outside of what the background check had uncovered, and he had explained the devastating "loss" of Lisa, Jack had not faltered. For Jack, flirting was, essentially, a sport, in all aspects of the word. And it didn't seem to faze him that the latest person he had set his sights on, Ianto, was already romantically attached, if only to the memory of his "deceased" girlfriend.

But the moment that Ianto had begun to see himself attracted to his boss was a small moment they had had while leaving the pub that night. Toshiko had left half an hour earlier, and Owen and Susie had left together soon after. Jack had insisted on paying for everything, and even held open the door for Ianto to exit through. But it was when Jack had put his hand on the small of Ianto's back to guide him out the door, and leaned forward to whisper into Ianto's ear a few choice words- that Ianto had known. Somehow, someway he would end up with this man.

He still remembered what Jack had said to him, and even now it sent shivers down his spine. Looking back on all the time that had passed, Ianto couldn't help but notice that Jack had kept his word.

First there had been the whole ordeal with the cop, Gwen Cooper figuring out who they were and what they did, and then when she had become a team member because Suzie had taken her own life. Ianto still remembered having to put away her body, and pack up all of her belongings.

Then there had been the ordeals on Gwen's first day with Carys and the stupid machine that Owen said had given him nightmares for weeks after it was over. Ianto had been there to pick up the pieces. To keep the hub clean and keep his famous coffee hot.

He hadn't mentioned the other things he had been attending to. Such as keeping his half-human girlfriend in the basement. But no one on the team really noticed him. Not really. He was just a tea-boy who cleaned up after them. They knew nothing about him or his life outside of work.

And his plan had worked well, until Lisa lost control of the cyberman part of her and set about trying to turn the whole world into people like her. The pain he had felt, the numbness, was still inside of him, somewhere. Yet he knew things were better now.

And the kiss. Yes it had been a kiss to save his life, yet still, the feel of Jack's mouth on his, giving him the breath of life. Ianto's lips tingled, and he looked at Jack's lips as he slept, knowing now that one kiss would never been enough where Jack was concerned.

He hadn't been fired, or retconed. Just reprimanded and sent home.

Ianto still remembered that night. It had seemed to last forever. When he finally had gotten to his flat after walking all the way home, forgetting that he had a car, he had collapsed next to his door, kicking it shut behind him, and sobbed.

Until he felt hands on his face. Looking up to find those hands belonged to Jack. That he had beat him to his flat, and had sat, waiting for him, knowing that despite his anger and the harsh words he had said, that Ianto would need a shoulder to cry on.

Nothing had happened then. And didn't for several weeks after. But that night Jack had sat and held him as the tears streamed.

At work the following Monday, Jack had given him a knowing nod as Ianto entered the hub. It was the first and only day he had ever arrived last. And that had been okay.

Ianto had survived the countrycide, and fairies. He had watched as Tosh struggled with her own emotions and lost a lover.

He had gotten almost what you would call a sense of humor. After they had sent Suzie to hell for the final time, he had kept his stopwatch, teasingly suggesting some uses it had.

They had made love that night. It had been everything a not-so-typical first time ought to be. Sweet, caring, passionate, gentle. The delicate caresses of Jack's talented hands. The rough stubble along his chin. The ecstasy of release, and of basking in a warm afterglow with Jack's arms around him.

Time passed. Ianto remembered the fear that Jack would not return from the 1940's. He remembered turning a gun on Owen to protect everyone. He remembered thinking if there was someone else when Jack had been distant after his return.

The pain and loss, and grief he had felt after Jack had not woken up. Smelling the scent left on his greatcoat, and leaving tears on the fabric. And of course the relief and happiness and disbelief when he had watched Jack enter the room alive and well. The kiss Ianto had received, which held so much.

Even the anger towards Jack after he had left to go after his doctor. The relief and anger still when he had returned. The jealousy felt towards "Vera" and his antics. Or that Jack had loved John or his Doctor enough to leave Torchwood and himself.

Their first date. Their make-up shag. Their quips. The little moments shared and stored forever in Ianto's memory.

He ignored the fact that Jack still had secrets. Because enduring every other crazy whirlwind the world had to offer was worth it for what came afterward, after the rest of team had left and it was just the two of them.

All these thoughts passed through the head of Ianto Jones as he watched Jack Harkness sleep. And he came to a sudden, startling revelation.

"Jack", he began softly, "I have known you for almost two and a half years out of my life. I am, admittedly nothing more than a tea boy, yet when I am with you I feel like so much more." He took a pause, and Jack slept on, so Ianto continued, emboldened.

"You have seen me at my best, and at my very worst. I can be stubborn as hell, just like you and occasionally I get jealous because I feel like I own you and I don't want to share. I look at my life as it is now and compare it to how it used to be and there is no comparison. You make me smile. And laugh. Even smirk. You helped show me that not everything has to be organized and scheduled. You even made me break a coffee cup." Ianto smiled at that particular memory.

"You taught me seventeen new uses for a stopwatch, and what it means to truly be alive. To live and be happy. To know what you want and how to go after it. To enjoy every moment for what it is worth, because you never know how many moments you have left." Ianto sighed heavily and watched the rise and fall of Jacks beautiful chest.

"You infuriate me, piss me off, annoy me, and frustrate me. You have made me the saddest I have ever been, the maddest I have ever been, the most jealous I have ever been, and the happiest I have ever been. You excite me, thrill me, and kiss me in just the right ways. And when you look me in the eyes you see the part of me no one else has gotten to yet. You take my hurt and lock it away in your safe, so that I can lie peacefully in your arms at night. You have kept the promise you made to me a hundred times over and someday I hope I can return the favor.

"All these emotions have been building up inside of me until now and I just realized why you have such an effect on me. And it scares me to death, Jack. It really does. Because I don't know when it happened or if you would even care. It terrifies me that you may not feel the same way, yet I don't think I can hold it all in anymore."

Ianto looks once more to check that Jack is asleep before starting again. "The thing is Jack that I am head over heels in love with you. And that is, really, the only thing that matters anymore." A deep breath, then another. Still the steady rise and fall of Jack's chest. And Ianto smiles.

"I can't really sleep, so I'm going to go check on things upstairs. I know you can't hear me or anything but I'll say it again, just because I like the sound of it. I love you Jack. And I'm pretty sure I always will." And with that, Ianto pressed a soft kiss to Jack's forehead, eased himself from Jack's arms and slipped up the stairs into Jack's office,

But see, that's the cool thing about Jack. He doesn't really need sleep. And he never really does sleep. He has just gotten sufficiently good at pretending. And once Ianto is gone his eyes snap open, and a smile plays on his lips. So Ianto loved him. Jack felt his heart ache.

The memory of that night in the pub played through his head. His hand on Ianto's back, the lean towards him, the whisper…

Whenever you need me, I'll be there.

Silently he said to himself,_ I love you, too_.

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A/N: There is now a sequel to this story! _While You're Awake._ Please go check it out and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is the property of Russell T. Davies.**


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